Insomnia

Last night, I had one of my rare nights of insomnia. They seem to becoming less rare, happening once about every two weeks, and I'm beginning to wonder if it's more than just too much consumption of coffee or too many thoughts spinning in my head or some weird thing my body has decided to do to try and regulate my sleep. One of my mentors once shared her wisdom with me a while back, telling me that insomnia is sometimes God's way of getting us to talk to Him. It's something that, up until she told me that, I'd know with my head but not quite gotten with my heart. And so changed my prayer life. And up until last night, I didn't realize how my prayers have been me talking at God, not talking with Him. I have such a huge problem with receiving. Maybe it's because I tend to believe the lie that God doesn't actually have anything to give to me, maybe it's because I'm so focused on getting it out or striving to experience Him that I miss everything He has to give me entirely. Man, it's crazy how much I deprive myself of in my desire to show God that I deserve it; to show Him that I'm worthy of His attention, but it's crazy that I can't do anything to ever deserve anything from God! Everything He gives is a gift He desires to give us, not because I'm good or I do something right, but merely because I am His child and He created me to love Him and be loved in return. 
Woah.
I'm never gonna get my mind wrapped around that one. Who even dreams that up? 
So I prayed last night. Isn't crazy how we loose the art of conversation with the Creator of language and tongues? And I'm trying to learn how to receive.




NEW ZEALAND IN LESS THAN A MONTH.


here's a crazy sunset picture to be happy about.